Behavior as Communication: Learning Who Our Students Truly Are

“They’re not giving you a hard time. They’re having a hard time.” – Ross Greene (2014)

This simple shift in perspective can change everything about how we teach, connect and respond to our students. Every behavior in the classroom — whether a child calls out, shuts down or storms out — tells a story. When we view behavior as communication rather than defiance, we move from reacting to responding, from judgment to curiosity. This mindset is at the heart of trauma-informed instruction and the philosophy of “connect before you correct” (Souers & Hall, 2016).

I’m Sarah Kresnak — wife, mother of four, first-grade teacher and proud Region 3 Teacher of the Year. For the past 21 years, I’ve taught in the most diverse district in Michigan — 9,430 students representing 105 countries and 117 languages — where belonging and safety are essential foundations for learning.

My passion for understanding behavior began when my oldest son struggled with impulsivity and dysregulation in kindergarten. After his diagnosis of high-functioning autism, I learned that children are doing the very best they can with the skills they have in the moment (Greene, 2014). That truth transformed both my parenting and teaching.

Why Behavior Is a Window into the Child

Albert Mehrabian’s research found that only 7 percent of communication comes from words, 38 percent from tone and 55 percent from body language (Mehrabian, 1971). That means 93 percent of emotional messages come through nonverbal cues — just like our

students’ behaviors. A child who “refuses” to write may feel anxious about mistakes. One who seeks constant attention may be craving connection. When we ask, “What is this behavior telling me?” we become detectives of need rather than disciplinarians.

The Power of ‘Connect Before You Correct’

Neuroscience shows that regulation and relationship are prerequisites for learning (Porges, 2011). A dysregulated child cannot access reasoning or empathy until they feel safe.

Check and Reassure:

·       Are they safe? → Survival State

·       Are they loved? → Emotional State

·       What can I learn? → Executive State

Simple connection moments — commenting on effort, offering an extra minute to finish or validating feelings — signal safety. When students feel seen, their defenses lower, and true learning begins.

Trauma-Informed Teaching: Safety as the Foundation

Maslow’s hierarchy reminds us that physical and emotional safety and belonging must be met before growth can occur (Maslow, 1943). For children with trauma histories, classrooms must provide predictability, consistency and trust.

Practical strategies:

·       Predictable routines and visual schedules

·       Student choice and voice

·       Class-created social norms

·       Calm corners for regulation, not punishment

·       Empathic language: “What happened?” instead of “What’s wrong?”

These shifts communicate: You belong here.

Instructional Practices You Can Use Tomorrow

1.      Teach and model replacement behaviors – Show what to do, not just what not to do (Skinner, 1953).

2.      Reflect together after the moment – Use curiosity: “What were you feeling?” “What could help next time?”

3.      Make new tasks easy – Scaffold for early success; confidence grows from competence.

4.      Integrate regulation breaks – Brain breaks, breathing or stretching normalize self-regulation.

5.      Normalize repair and restarts – Model “Let’s make it right.” Students learn relationships can heal.

6.      Use predictable routines – Preview changes and maintain consistency to reduce anxiety.

Reframing the Role of the Teacher

Challenging behavior is rarely opposition; it’s communication. Our role is not control; it’s understanding. Connection isn’t a strategy; it’s the foundation of effective teaching (Hattie, 2009). When students feel connected, they engage. When they engage, they learn. And when they learn, they thrive.

Final Thought

Every moment of dysregulation is an invitation:

·       To connect before we correct.

·       To listen before we lecture.

·       To see the child before the behavior.

·       Because behind every behavior is a story — and every story deserves to be understood.

This is the third in a series of guest blogs by the 2025-26 Michigan Regional Teachers of the Year. Sarah Kresnak is an elementary teacher at Discovery Elementary School in Kentwood Public Schools.